one way to hear what you're saying to yourself

the first installment in a week-long series exploring our rituals of talking to ourselves

this happened:  our baby was born.

and then this happened:  the things that i say--and even just silently think--about myself became very, super-duper, incredibly, intensely noticeable to me.

here are some examples--positive, negative, and...well...complicated:

  • i look like crap today.
  • oh man, i'm an idiot.
  • mama can't do anything right. ["mama" is referring to me, not to my own mama, who does almost everything right.]
  • i rocked that.
  • everyone's going to think i'm [insert negative adjective here].
  • look: i can fit into my non-pregnant jeans again!
  • i think i can really help with that.
  • i'm stressed out, okay?!
  • i'm awesome at figuring out those kinds of problems.
  • i don't care what he thinks of me.
  • i just tried to be a good friend to her.
  • we're having the most fun ever, and i am hilarious.
  • i'm not doing as much creative work as [insert person, usually a woman, to whom i am comparing myself negatively here].
  • i am the luckiest person on the planet.
  • i am supermama.
  • i sounded like a moron.
  • i'm really freakin' good at that.

now, i consider myself to be a pretty self-confident person.  on the whole--from a bird's-eye view--i really do think i'm smart and kind and a good friend and creative and have things to offer the world.  and still, my daily soundtrack tends to be pretty rough on me.

when i say or think these things now, i automatically click to how i'd feel if my daughter were saying or thinking them about herself.  and often, i don't like it.  

so i'm trying to change my daily soundtrack.  and it's hard to do.

i'd love to hear from the non-mamas and non-papas, as well as the parents out there:  when do you hear what you're saying to yourself most clearly?  and how do you change it when you don't love what you hear?


  1. Changing that dialog is very hard but very necessary. You, my love, are wonderful and too hard on yourself.

    1. :) i think most people i know are too hard on themselves.